January 2012
4 posts
My Awful Daughter
You’re not often gonna meet someone as fucked up as my 2-yr old daughter. Based on her behavior, you’d assume that she is drunk or high on drugs though I’ve never actually caught her using. The behavior is bizarre enough that I’ve decided to let the whole Internetworked Webernet know what I’m talking about (note: only 3 people read my Tumblr, 2 of whom are my wife & Mom). This is...
@cornlog & @k9leavings, age 5
Actual school report for Gabriel (me, @cornlog) & Jeremy (@k9leavings) from when we were 5 years old. Obviously something went terribly terribly wrong between then & now.
Trash Goes in the Trash
Trash Goes in the Trash Most of you probably don’t remember something called “throwing away your garbage.” It was a quaint practice wherein when you had some “garbage” or “trash” you would throw it away in a vessel called a “trashcan”. ALL of your garbage would go in the trashcan. But a new category of garbage was invented called “recycling” which was created by hippies to make normal...
My Awful Wife
(Note: I might exaggerate a bit to make a point)
My wife is a superb cook & a regular MacGyver in the kitchen. She can make something out of almost any combination of ingredients which is good because we often have weird random shit in the kitchen. Just the other day all we had were rotting sardines & a cough medicine & she whipped up a delicious coq au vin. She’s been known...
December 2011
1 post
Top 20
From the dawn of time, there have been those so endowed by the Divine Creator to compose truly poetic Twitter jokes (“The music of the Angels” as it’s called in the Old Testament). Even a relatively prosaic fart joke, well executed, was known to bring Jesus Himself to tears. And it is well known in Chinese lore that a particularly witty tweet about masturbating into a bank teller’s eye...